


Natural fears and precious hopes

by berrynthewood



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Allen's always hungry, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, Dreams and Nightmares, Family Feels, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Lavi's mind is a mess, Taking care of the youngest ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:42:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23716114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berrynthewood/pseuds/berrynthewood
Summary: As he snuck out his room for a snack in the middle of the night, Allen came across an unexpected challenge: soothing one of his comrade's soul.And maybe he will have to kill two birds with one stone in the process...
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	Natural fears and precious hopes

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a very precious friend whom I miss a lot during those times. I'm sorry I dragged you into the DGM mess (sorry, not sorry really). Here my apologize gift to you <3
> 
> And for all of you, who come across this fic and need a little comfort. Hope it can ease your heart and make you laugh :)
> 
> Have a good read.
> 
> P.S.: english isn't my first language, sorry for the mistakes left...

It wasn't the first time Allen got woken up by his growling stomach. Usually, he would keep some food stored in his room but yesterday, at dinner time, he went into a crazy fight with Kanda over... over _what_ , again ? Nevermind. Must be a good reason anyway. The thing is, they took it so far as expending the fight to the hallways, scaring a few scientists passing by them. In the end, Lenalee and Lavi stopped them (again), the kitchen was closed and Allen couldn't get his leftovers wrapped up for the night.

And now, it was past 3 a.m., he had his eyes wide open and was staring at the ceiling, hungry like a wolf.

With a sigh, Allen finally swung his legs out of the bed and sat sluggishly. Timcanpy was flapping his wings, emerging from his own slumber. He had no choice. His stomach was his second brain. And in this case, the first to make a decision.

He stumbled across the room and opened the door, pushing his head through it carefully. The Black Order's building was filled with darkness and cosy silence. Perfect time for a late night snack.

Allen grinned at the thought and ventured deep in the maze of corridors. Timcanpy followed him, the golden golem carrying his only source of light.

Of course, Allen knew the path perfectly. He reached the kitchen in no time, tiptoed through the large counters and grabbed a sandwich, a piece of cake and a waterbottle. He had already filled his mouth with a portion when he decided to add another serving to his haul before closing the fridge, just in case.

“Allen ?...”

The boy almost jumped to the roof, caught right on the middle of his crime. When he turned his head, he fell face to face with a familiar boy with hair red as a burning flame standing in the kitchen's entry, his only visible eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“Lavi ! You scared the hell out of me !”

In the panic, his water bottle had rolled on the ground to stop at Lavi's feet. The later picked it up and extended it to Allen with a sly smile “Sorry. I was on my way back when I saw the light. And, by the way, your stomach is making more noises than an earthquake.”

Allen walked toward the boy, Timcanpy flying around Lavi's head in a happy dance, and grabbed the bottle with a huff “What are you even doing here ?”

“Gramps made me do some extra work...” Lavi grumbled and then winced comically “Don't bother going back to me without having finished” he claimed in an exeggerated Bookman imitation.

Allen snorted, noticing the enormous volume stuck under his arm and the dark circle already spreading under his green eye.

“But you did it” he snickered back.

The red-haired boy rolled his eye “Well, y'know, indispensable Bookman duty. So, are we going back or you're planning to rob the entire food stock instead ?”

Allen scrunched his nose and replied “It was just a _snack_ ” making Lavi stifle a laugh.

They left the kitchen and chatted in hushed voices, avoiding messing up with anyone's sleep. Allen managed to eat all his food supplies before crossing the first floor, earning another your-stomach-is-a-freaking-blackhole comment from Lavi.

At some point, they had to make some detour in order to not come across a just woken-up Kanda, heading to his first sword practice of the day. Lavi wondered how anyone could ever be awake at 4 a.m. and not wanting to go back to bed. Allen simply pointed out the fact that Lavi just wasn't a morning person.

They almost reached the dormitories when Allen noticed what seemed like some faint whimpering noises. He stopped right away, a hint of fear bubbling inside his stomach.

Lavi made a halt two steps ahead and turned his head to the white-haired boy with a questionned expression “Something's wrong, Al ?”

“Did you heard that ?...”

“Heard what ?”

Allen brought his index across his mouth to silence his friend.

Lavi's face went a little paler and his hand went to grab his innocence by reflex. That's when he heard it too. A succession of many repressed cries. The two boys shared a knowing glance. The large hallways were echoeing someone's mourning plea.

Following the sound, Allen led the way, passing by the countless room's doors, carefully. Timcanpy was no longer flying and choose to rest on his shoulder instead.

Soon, they could perfectly hear the desperate sobs as if the source was right next to them.

Lavi poked Allen's shoulder slightly to draw his attention and the shorter boy looked back at him with a frown.

“It comes from here” Lavi whispered, pointing his finger toward one of the doors.

Allen's eyes widened. It was Timothy's room. The nine years old kid joined less than a month ago. He was all bratty and mischievous and gave them a damn hard time back in their mission in Paris. Still, he was welcomed as a windfall for the Black Order. Compatible ones were always precious and any help was required in this war. And until now, Timothy adjusted perfectly to the usual ruckus of the exorcist crew. He was indeed famous for his annoying cries but those ones were... kinda different.

Allen grabbed the door's handle carefully, throwing a knowing glance at Lavi who nodded back.

“Timothy ?...” he called with caution, his voice loud enough to be heard through the wooden material but still free of any hostility. The sobs stopped abrutly but were followed by nothing but silence.

“Timothy, it's Allen. I'm with Lavi. Can we come in ?” he tried again, glancing at his friend from the side. After a few quiet seconds, the red-haired exorcist leaned closer to whisper “Maybe we should be going...”

“Allen-san ?...”

The voice was weak but still audible. Allen didn't felt like waiting anymore. He opened the door slightly to peek inside the room. The place was only faintly lit by the candle located on the bedside table and the few bright colored furnitures garnishing the place were spreading blurred shadows on the walls. A small form was curled on the bed, completely wrapped in the white sheets. Before he could take one step inside, Timcanpy flew across the room and came laying on the matress, wings flapping eargerly. The little human form straightened up, an open hand streching out, allowing the gold golem to jump on it.

Allen crossed the space to join them, followed by Lavi who winced when his foot stomped on some random toys strewn on the ground.

“Can I sit here ?” Allen asked carefully.

The young boy nodded, eyes resting on an energetic Timcanpy.

Allen complied and, from up close, he instantly noticed Timothy's red eyes despite the dim light. He must had rubbed them firmly to hide his crying from his night guests despite being previously betrayed by the sound of his whimpers.

“I... couldn't sleep.”

Allen glared with insistence at Lavi who was resting his back on the wall, next to the bed. The redhead shoulders slumped dramatically as he sighed, leaving his spot to crouch in front of them, “Had some bad nightmare, uhm ?”

“Uhm...”

“Eeeh, to be honest, I had one recently, too” Lavi carried on, bringing a hand to his chin.

Timothy's face slightly came back to life, his eyes widening, attention drawn to the Bookman apprentice.

“Wh-what happened in yours ?” he asked in a quiet voice.

Lavi's expression changed into something way too serious and his voice dropped low “I got chased by enchanted books with fangs. I had to rip the few hair remaining on gramps's head to break the curse but in the end, he got so mad at me he threw me back to them to punish my guts. Hopefully, that's where I woke up.”

Allen couldn't restrain a weird chuckle at picturing the scene and one of Timothy's eyebrow shot up to the sky.

“No way. That's totally crazy. You made it up”

“You don't know what a Bookman's head is capable of, Tim” Allen grinned, waving his hand in dismay.

“I dreamt I was a talking apple hanging on a tree, once” Lavi insisted, spurred on by Allen's support. It tickled Timothy's curiosity again, “And, how did it ended ?”

“Well, I just _fell_. Yelling like hell, though.”

“Pfft-”

That was the last blow to crumble Timothy's seriousness. His whole body shook from laughter and the makeshift hood fell off, reaveling the boy's face completely. Disturbed by the sudden movements, Timcanpy flew away to take some rest on Allen's head.

“Eh-eh-eheheh... I got it, I got it...”

Allen lifted his hand to softly pat Timothy's head “Well, care to share your bad dream with us ?”

The little boy startled a bit and glanced at Allen who smiled back in encouragement. Timothy finally nodded but his eyes dropped to the ground.

“I...” he still hesitated and his hands joined in a tight grip “The details are still a little blurry but... I dreamt I was on a mission.”

The two teenagers waited patiently for him to collect his memory, light flickering across their faces.

Eventually, Timothy spoke again “They were here again. Those horrible angel-like akumas...”

 _Level 4_. The picture danced in Allen's mind perfectly.

“I tried to beat them, but there were just too many...” his voice wavered slightly “and I was alone...”

“Tim...” Allen rubbed the boy's shoulder in a soothing attempt.

“They killed everyone ! Even... even...” Timothy took his head in his hands, grasping his hair firmly, voice trembling, “Even Emilia...”, tears started to fall back from his eyes as he choked on his sobs.

“And I couldn't do anything !” he yelled, desperatly.

Allen glanced at Lavi, in search of support again, but his friend still hadn't said a word and his face was now unreadable.

“I'm just so weak...” Timothy finally said in a breath as he buried his face in his palms. Allen slid his hand to Timothy's shaking back and rubbed small circles here to sooth him.

The room was echoeing the whimpers through the hall and Allen wondered how long the kid's been crying before they interrupted him. Just a few minutes ? An hour or two ? Did he tried to muffle the sound so no one would hear ? Was it the first time or did he had to handle countless sleepless nights before ?

Something twisted in Allen's stomach.

“I, too, I'm scared to death sometimes.”

“Eh ?” Timothy's hands dropped from his face and he turned his head to Allen, surprised, “But, you're so strong...”

Allen laughed, “Well, I'm still human. It's pretty normal to have those thoughts.” He felt both Lavi and Timothy's looks on him and played nervously with Timcanpy's wings.

“And, it's not really that I'm strong. I have faith in my comrades too” he finally added as he looked right into Timothy's wet eyes “You're not fighting alone, Timothy. Don't ever forget that.”

Allen felt Lavi twitch faintly. Two streak of tears crossed Timothy's face again but this time, it was followed by a faint smile. He nodded, a shy hum escaping his mouth. Timcanpy flew up from Allen's head to nudge Timothy's cheek playfully and the boy finally let out a giggle.

“Ah, see. Even Timcanpy is your ally !” Allen joked.

“Thank you” Timothy said, poking the golden golem, “I think I'm feeling a lil' bit better now...”

“Sure ?”

“Uhm” the boy yawned, exhaustion already taking the best of him.

Lavi stood up and Allen tucked Timothy back to bed with care.

“Do you want to keep Timcanpy with you for the rest of the night ?”

The young exorcist's sleepy face lit up instantly “I... I can ?”

Allen smiled back “Of course. Take care of him until tomorrow, alright ?”

“Yes !”

With that, Allen and Lavi left the room, the mission now entrusted to a new babysitter.

*

On the way back to their room, Allen felt a constant uneasiness. By his side, Lavi was awfully quiet. He seemed out of his usual laid-back attitude, almost tense. Even during their time in Timothy's room, the redhead wasn't totally _here_. But just when Allen thought about throwing some joke to ease the mood, Lavi stopped right in his tracks.

“Eh, Lavi ?”

“Why did you lie to him ?” he dropped suddenly with a frown, his eye scanning Allen's face “You know you're stronger than most of us here.”

Taken by surprise, Allen couldn't follow, “What do you mean ?...”

“Come on Al, he's a kid” Lavi huffed, one hand racking his hair furiously, “His chances of growing up to become a full adult are close to zero here...”

“Wait...”

“Don't give him false hope based on your own luck !”

“Shhhh ! Lavi !” Allen scolded, bringing his finger across his mouth. Frustration made his hands squeezed into fists. He was suddenly very conscious of the proximity of all the sleepers around them.

Lavi stepped closer to Allen, shadow darkening his features, and he growled his next words in an half-restrained anger, “It's a war, not some snowball fight !”

Allen's eyes widened in shock while Lavi mirrored his expression, shocked by his own outburst.

Lavi lowered his head and a moment passed in which none of them dared to talk.

“I'm sorry...” Lavi finally confessed “That was uncalled for...”

Allen unclenched his fists and took a deep breath in, considering his next words.

“You know Lavi, it's fine to be afraid”

The older boy immediately snapped his head up “I'm not !...” to meet Allen's warm smile.

“I...”

Something unique passed through his green eye, a glint of fragility. Mixed with sadness. It was something Allen never witnessed before. And then, it was gone in a blink and Lavi's protective mask was back again.

He sighed, faking deep exhaustion and waved his hand in the air, “Whatever. I'm too tired too argue anyway...” and just resumed his walk as if nothing ever happened.

Avoiding conflict. Typical.

There were a lot of things about Lavi that Allen couldn't grasp. And the boy wasn't making it easy with his fake easygoing honesty.

 _Fine._ If Lavi didn't want to be frank, at least Allen would show him how to, for once.

“I wasn't lying you know. I'm truly scared”

“Ah ?”

Lavi turned his head toward Allen who just kept on looking ahead as he added “Every single day.”

The redhead remained stubbornly silent.

“But it won't stop me from fighting. And I won't let anyone giving up on hope. Ever.”

This time, Allen stared firmly at Lavi. His gaze was burning with intent and the Bookman apprentice had to avoid the intensity of those determined eyes.

“Fine, fine. You win.”

Allen opened his mouth in order to elaborate... but was immediately stopped by a shameless growl of his stomach.

Both surprised, they looked at each other blankly for mere seconds before Lavi cracked up.

“Pfft- Seriously ?” he laughed while Allen's cheeks turned slightly pink.

“Eeeh... technically, it's almost time for breakfast...” he smiled sheepishly.

“You're impossible.” Lavi couldn't help another chuckle.

Without noticing, they were already back in front of Allen's door, Bookman's one being just a few away from it. Lavi turned toward the other exorcist, ready to part ways.

“Well, I'll try to sleep for a bit before gramps gives me another dragging assignment...”

“Something's telling me there will be a bunch of exhausted faces walking the hallways today”Allen grinned back.

“As if it will prevent from the usual ruckus”

Allen shrugged, “Not my fault if Kanda's an annoying dumbass”

Lavi snorted at that, “You're quite persistent yourself. This will never end.”

Allen snickered. He couldn't deny it.

Before grabbing the handle of his door, curiosity suddenly got the best of him.

“Lavi ?”

“Hum ?”

“Those weird dreams you told about earlier, you made them up, right ?”

“Eh ? Nope. They're the whole truth.”

Allen's mouth dropped, “You’re kidding ?!”

“I swear !” Lavi held up his hand in defense. When Allen arched an eyebrow in suspicion, Lavi shrugged, “You know, it may seems crazy to all of you, but to be honest, gramps is far more scarier than the strongest akuma when he's angry...”

Allen couldn't help but burst out laughing.

Well, some fears were more baffling than others.

“Alright, I'm really looking forward to hear about your next stupid dreams, then.”

And maybe one day, he would be able to solve the great mystery of a Bookman's brain.

But for now, breakfast was top priority.

**Author's Note:**

> Keep walking ! 
> 
> Don't be shy to comment :)
> 
> See you again
> 
> \- Berry ([Tumblr](https://berrynthewood.tumblr.com/) / [Twitter](https://twitter.com/berrynthewood/))


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